Nemo Me Impune Lacessit

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Movie Review — Bitch Slap

Filed under: Dark Side, Humor, Viewing — Tags: , , , , , — mikewb1971 @ 6:22 PM (18:22)

Current mood: amused

I finally got around to watching Bitch Slap. To sum up the experience, it was both great and disappointing.

Let’s get the bad news out of the way first. How exactly was the flick disappointing? Let me count the ways –

  1. If you’re looking for plot and character development, Bitch Slap isn’t for you.
  2. The gunfighting scenes aren’t at all realistic. Neither is the “K-14 Corsair railgun with carbon fiber mounts, Hellfire dampening system and Zion laser scope.”
  3. One of the ladies is a secret agent with the special-ops outfit titled “Fleshforce Foxy,” her codename / callsign is “Foxy69.”
  4. “Foxy69” is operating in alpine territory dressed rather scantily, and is ordered to her next mission by her boss (“Mr. Phoenix”) through her Dick Tracy-type wrist-communicator, which displays Phoenix’s image as a hologram.
  5. After receiving her new orders, “Foxy69” receives her new outfit for the undercover assignment from a missile which lands five feet next to her, then calls down an avalanche to cover her tracks.
  6. I predicted who the eventual antagonist was from the beginning.(NO, I’m not telling — sit through it and find out for yourself!)
  7. The “grand prize” of their search in the desert is a canister of carbon-attacking nanites, which “Fleshforce Foxy” doesn’t want to get into the hands of a “combatant country” or “crazed libertarians.”

But then, the viewer should remember that Bitch Slap wasn’t intended to be a good movie in terms of realism, plot and characteriztions. What it is intended to be is a turn-your-brain-off flick for guys, and in that regard, it succeeds admirably. There’s plenty of cleavage, softcore sex scenes of the lesbian kind, and mindless, black-comedy violence — about 105 minutes worth, in fact.

I mean, the scene where Trixie, Hel and Camero dump all of their drinking water all over each other as they’re digging at high noon in the Nevada summer sun isn’t very realistic, is it? Just accept it for what it is — hot babes splashing water all over each other’s bodies, causing their clothes to get all clingy . . .

In summary, guys, turn your brains off and enjoy.


  1. Bitch Slap the Movie (Official site)
  2. The Wikipedia page


  1. Reposted –
    1. Personal blogs – Blogspot / Xanga
    2. Darth Mike – Xanga

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